Happy Mother’s Day (or as my youngest has said via our lightboard, Terrible Mother’s Day… storm clouds and all!)
Let me tell you all, it started like every other morning, and there was a glimmer of hope for all the hearts and flowers. Then it peaked very quickly – soon after my husband gave me a hug, Justin brought me a homemade card, I “watched” church, and then we discussed breakfast. I didn’t want heavy bacon and eggs and he didn’t want to attempt crepes (my favorite!) He gave in and amidst much thunking and sighing in the kitchen, came up with a pretty decent crepe while I tidied, made the filling, made coffees, prepped dinner and threw it in the Crock-Pot so no one has to worry about it later. (Dinner was “meh” but the crusty bread I made was delicious.)
I had big dreams (and I think this is where it all fell apart – unreasonable expectations and all that) – big dreams that I would feel the love and appreciation just exuding in happiness with hearts and flowers from my guys. (Note: were really not the warm and fuzzy type. Hearts and flowers just ain’t our thing...) I thought that maybe all the little things I do endlessly (and yes, sometimes with complaint) would be reciprocated back. I just wanted a hot breakfast, that we all ate together around the table, with stars in our eyes while sharing all the ooey-gooey gushy stuff they love about me. (Ha!)
Instead, we staggered our plating, Kev ate standing up, Kaleb snapped at me more than once, and I lost my cool… Then Justin got upset, everyone gave me a wide berth, Justin changed the light sign message (it started with a heart and a happy) and I said well if we can’t have a nice day we’ll just have a normal miserable day and you can all help me. I then dove into a sink full of dirty dishes and tidied the kitchen because I had bread to make to go with dinner. And you know what? That’s where the “terrible” came in, and no, it wasn’t actually a terrible day.
I feel bad and yet, I think we forget that moms experience disappointment and frustration and want their special people to “see them”. I also think that expectations get mixed up due to a lack of communication. I mean isn’t that the reason usually? Did I think it would be a perfect day? No! Did I think I’d be having a temper tantrum at the age of 38 at my breakfast table? Uh, not in the least… but it happened… and that’s on me, not the ones who tried to show me love. (Sorry, dears!)
Motherhood is real life, y’all – it’s not all hearts and flowers and stars in the eyes. It’s messy and imperfect and miscommunication and unrealised expectations and mixed personalities and all the real things. It’s endless love and wanting to shake sense into your offspring. It’s worry and wonder, tempers and teacups, sunny days, and stormy weather, laughter, longing, loneliness. The most joyful of joys and lowest depths of disappointment. So why would a day, merely marked on a calendar, to celebrate motherhood, actually be any different than the messy complicated relationships that define motherhood itself?
So, yes, I’m grateful for the crepes, the homemade card, the hug… even though I complained… and I’m even more grateful for my children and husband themselves, even though they drive me crazy. And I know I’m fortunate and blessed to be a mother with her children near, but I’m also human and I mess up ALL. THE. TIME – so kids, please remember, I love you even when I’m grumpy! Now, go fold some laundry and actually do the things without arguing, please? Also, stop shooting ping pong balls out of your balloon at me, mmmmkay?