Looking Back, Planning Ahead, and Being Present

I’m not big on resolutions (mostly because I am acutely aware that my staying power is laughable – good intentions and all that.)  However, I feel like I am in a constant state of assessment – what can I drop? Where can I improve? Why did I do that?  As this year comes to a close, I’m not sure I actually changed much at all over the last twelve months.  I know in some ways I’ve matured (impressive at 37 years of age!)  I know I’ve also found myself frustrated.  I’ve been craving change.  I’ve been dreaming.  I wonder about the next ten years.  I’ve tried to make small changes to improve things that I have control of.  Some days I’ve completely lost control of everything… hello, out of control spiral!

In the next year, without making actual resolution declarations, these are the reflections I’d like to embrace.

  • Simplify.  Life, home, habits.  Just stop overthinking, overdoing, and indulging in over-consumerism.
  • Find myself.  I really can’t stand that phrase, but I need to get back to being me, without apology – take me or leave me and no, I don’t care what your opinion of me is.  (Except that I do, and it will wake me in the wee hours of the night while I agonize over every inflection, look, response, or perceived slight, insult, or judgment. This is hard on a girl’s self-esteem and peace of mind, so yes, I would really like to find what makes me “me” and rock it like a pair of perfectly-fitted jeans.)
  • Move past the mistakes.  We all make them.  We’re all human.  See the point above.  At some point, you’ve just got to move on – learn from it and let it go.
  • Care for my body.  We’ve got one shot here and with Type 1, it seems like all I think about is carbs, meds, and math.  (I shudder at that math.)  That being said, we can all use a bit more movement, a bit more mental clarity, more veggies, and lots of water!
  • Just say no.  I mean… it’s hard to say yes to the important things when you’ve said yes to everything else.  Enough with being everything to everyone and feeling like I carry the weight (and success) of the world (or a program) on my shoulders only.   I’ll need to keep reminding myself of this one because honestly, I forget.  A lot!
  • Find my tribe.  I’m just full of cliches in this list.   People can drag you down or build you up.  Better to find the ones who will sharpen, challenge, and care.   You’ll know them.  You’ll click.  And then… actually make more plans to spend time and stay connected.
  • Be present.   Stop worrying about the to-do lists, the places you need to be, and the never-ending mundane bits of an active family life.   Stop and smell the darn roses.  Be in the pictures.  Read the book (without feeling guilty.)  Drink the coffee or the tea.  Eat lunch by yourself.   Cuddle on the couch.  Fold the laundry together.  Listen to the endless chatter (and absorb it – one day they won’t be rambling non-stop in the back seat.)  Make jokes.  Bake cookies.  Do the fun things.
I want to be more organized, more active, more smiley, more engaged, more productive – but ultimately, I want those I love and care for to know they’re loved and cared for, I want my self-care to be a priority, and I want to remember to practice the pause.  Here’s hoping that 2019 is just a step in the right direction!
 Happy new year, dear friends – may you find happiness in your journey, hope in the unsettled moments, love to warm your hearts, and joy in each new day!